self loathing is setting in today

One word to describe myself ... loser! Here I sit, wearing a royal blue one piece called a "forever lazy" ( tear in my eye ) gilt ridden over last nights over indulgence. Pizza ... chocolate hazelnut dessert. It was so good and I hate myself for eating it! Problem is ... I'll do it again today! I will obsess over eating only veggies or no wheat ... then I will somehow forget all the self loathing that comes after the binge ... and I will literally eat something crappy all over again! I want to sit here and say that I need to break free of these chains that hold me down ... but I can't say that. Out of fear of ever going back to that sad fat little girl with frizz hair and braces. I mean in theory life would be better if I would just let go and enjoy myself. But then I try on clothes in a poor lit dressing room and am reminded that I have the craziest body of all time!!!!!!!!!!! So I guess for now I just keep with this pathetic cycle day in and day out and hope that I can stop the hand that feeds this mouth! Help! I can hear the boys calling me bubble but like it was yesterday! don't let me go back!!!!!

throw back to the cabin in the woods!

    Throw back thursday to a very fun weekend at the river, in a very scary little cabin! we had so many fun adventures that I hope we never forget! I will hold them dear to my heart and I hope that I will always randomly remember things like : Fallowing that drag queen to bingo! or watching Celine videos at night! being so petrified that we couldn't sleep! me falling on my ass out of the hot tub! Taryn sitting like a limp biscuit in front of the fire! Im sure we have a thousand other fun things that happened! I love you guys! P.s. Im just so glad Jimmy ended up not being a killer!

Back to school

It's that time of the year! Summer was so nice, but I can get used to having both kids in school! I get a little time to myself! 

<< Something I have dreamt of since before they were born! go out to eat just the three of us! Someday I can't wait to hear all the stories that moms should never know, while out to eat! >>

<< Parker and Olivia are in the same class! >>

<< after school treat >>

<<  These two go to school together! I can't believe this time has come! and so fast! >>

<< Theo and his school buddies/ cousins ( he thinks owen is his cousin ) >>

Protein pancakes

After doing two 21 day cleanses, and reintroducing wheat into my diet, I now am coming to terms with the fact that I can not eat wheat. Its been really hard for me, because I love everything wheat ... I am an addict. My sweet little monsters ask for french toast every day  and I want it so bad! I always eat the left overs and I suffer greatly. My hands ache and my feet ache, my anxiety peaks and my patience is shortened. You see wheat effect the brain in a way no other food does or can. It is processed like an opiate and that is why people become addicted, such as myself! So I found these protein pancakes that saved me from eating my kids french toast today and I am so so satisfied! Here is the recipe!

1.5 tbsp gluten free flour

1.5 tbsp coconut flour

1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder

1 tsp baking powder

pinch of baking soda

1 tbsp banana

1 tsp vanilla extract

pack of stevia

whites from 1 egg

1/8 plus 1 table spoon unsweetened vanilla almond milk ( i added more)

cook like you would a regular pancake, I used coconut oil.

The creamy toping is greek yogurt a shot of vanilla, pack of stevia and some maple,

I am going to be making some different toppings though.

Seriously crazy good!!!

Avocado dressing

 Avocado Dressing

- 1 Avocado, peeled and chopped

3/4 cup olive oil

1/4 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

1/4 teaspoon dry mustard

1/4 teaspoon Celtic Sea Salt

Pinch of freshly ground pepper

Combine all ingredients in a blender of food processor, mixing until smooth. Serve chilled.

  << this dressing is so rich and creamy ... it's Amazing!! >>

<< The result of eating fresh fruits and veggies for every meal! a mess! >>

I am on day 10 of my cleanse and have lost 4 pounds, I feel pretty low on energy the past couple of day, but I have been working out a lot. Tomorrow I have the option of adding chicken or fish which will give me a little more energy I think. 

Until next time!

Standard Process Cleanse

Standard Process Cleanse.

   I am on day 3 of this cleanse. It's not nearly as bad as I remember it being my first time around. On day one I had a pretty good head ache but only for a few hours. Yesterday my intestines were a little bit achey, but today I feel pretty good so far.

   This cleanse is designed to clean all the toxins from your body. Cleaning your kidney, liver, large and small intestine, by taking 9 fiber pills, 21 cleanse pills and two smoothies each day. I can eat as many fruits and veggies as I want and some lentils or brown rice and some oils and seasonings are ok. 

   After day 3 it is smooth sailing, I remember having more energy then ever! 

<< This soup was amazing, Its from Gweneth Paltrows "It's all good"- Broccoli arugula soup >>

<< Lentil and veggie soup>>

<< SP smoothie, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, mango, spinach, flax oil and SP whey powder >>

Sun worshiping

We have declared ourselves a family that loves to be in the heat of the sun!

Sun worshipers!

Sometimes you just need to spend a little to much money at the local water slides, and forget all your worries! Today was a good day, and that's all we could ask for!