One word to describe myself ... loser! Here I sit, wearing a royal blue one piece called a "forever lazy" ( tear in my eye ) gilt ridden over last nights over indulgence. Pizza ... chocolate hazelnut dessert. It was so good and I hate myself for eating it! Problem is ... I'll do it again today! I will obsess over eating only veggies or no wheat ... then I will somehow forget all the self loathing that comes after the binge ... and I will literally eat something crappy all over again! I want to sit here and say that I need to break free of these chains that hold me down ... but I can't say that. Out of fear of ever going back to that sad fat little girl with frizz hair and braces. I mean in theory life would be better if I would just let go and enjoy myself. But then I try on clothes in a poor lit dressing room and am reminded that I have the craziest body of all time!!!!!!!!!!! So I guess for now I just keep with this pathetic cycle day in and day out and hope that I can stop the hand that feeds this mouth! Help! I can hear the boys calling me bubble but like it was yesterday! don't let me go back!!!!!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Throw back thursday to a very fun weekend at the river, in a very scary little cabin! we had so many fun adventures that I hope we never forget! I will hold them dear to my heart and I hope that I will always randomly remember things like : Fallowing that drag queen to bingo! or watching Celine videos at night! being so petrified that we couldn't sleep! me falling on my ass out of the hot tub! Taryn sitting like a limp biscuit in front of the fire! Im sure we have a thousand other fun things that happened! I love you guys! P.s. Im just so glad Jimmy ended up not being a killer!